Beyond Chronic Pain: Tips for a Happy life

August 2006
by Rebecca Rengo-Kocher
www.beyondchronicpain.com

To live in happiness rather than chasing after it, I recommend the following 10
tips. I know this is easy to say and harder to do. I was a single mother with two
children and a private practice when I incorporated these tips into my own life. I
now speak to women's groups encouraging other women to do the same. Chronic pain
made me change the way I live my life, but the tips are useful and applicable for
all women.

1. Under schedule every aspect of your life. Rushing and feeling pressured is very stressful. It's hard to feel happy if you're feeling inadequate because of time. If it takes 20 minutes to drive the kids to their activity, allow 30 minutes. That way if your daughter can't find her shoes or traffic is bad, it's okay. Do the same at work, allow yourself more time than you think you'll need . At this point, many women tell me they have too much to do, which leads to point 2.
2. Prioritize. Take time to think through what is really important to you, at home, in your community and at work. Be prepared to defend your time by saying "no" to things that aren't your priority. That means "NO" to: kids, husbands, friends, volunteer work and bosses. You'd be surprised how many times "NO" solves the problem. If you can't say no can you : delegate, ask for help, or put it on the back burner? Having trouble identifying your priorities? That leads us to point 3.
3. You are your own first priority. What makes you feel healthy, happy and content with your life? Schedule what you need every day. Some sort of quiet time is a must. Whether it's meditation, taking a walk or reading. Quiet time for reflection is a human need too often neglected. Many women tell me they "feel guilty" doing this. I tell them it's selfish not to. When you are feeling happy and healthy you are much better to everyone around you. Now I hear that everything desired is out of reach. "I'd be happy if I could take a vacation, but I can't." Please refer to point 4.
4. Always have something to look forward to. A weekly phone call with a long distance friend or relative, a bubble bath, looking through a magazine. Have something in mind everyday and schedule it so it happens. Even if it's just 5 minutes. If you are under scheduling your time, you'll have unexpected moments to enjoy in addition to your planned daily moment. Early to an appointment, enjoy the sunshine on a bench instead of rushing in and waiting. If you're not sure what to do, create a wish list of the little things you never seem to have time for and schedule them. Do a week at a time, until it becomes a habit. Are you thinking, "that doesn't sound like much?"
5. Practice gratitude. Be thankful for anything and everything in your life. Start and end each day thankful for 3 things. You'll find yourself looking for those things throughout your day and it won't be long before you have more than 3. Did you enjoy a pretty sunset? Children laughing? A tasty treat? When you're slowing down you have time to notice and appreciate these things. They'll make you happy. Still not happy?
6. Accept whatever feelings you may be having. Do not fight against feelings you don't want. That just further ingrains them in your mind. Observe them as objectively as possible. Identify what you are feeling, knowing that it will change. Detach as much as you can. Accepting things as they are brings feelings of peace. Are you frustrated?
7. Set reachable, realistic goals for yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Focus on accomplishments. Don't minimize yourself. Feel proud of whatever you are doing. You can't compare yourself to anyone else. Many times, just making it though the day with the responsibilities you have, is a big accomplishment. Give yourself a pat on the back.
8. Use positive self-talk frequently though out your day. Are you criticizing yourself in your mind? Replace these thoughts with encouragement and kindness. Consciously talk to yourself like you would your best friend or your child. Tell yourself what a good job you are doing. Reassure yourself. Now women tell me they find it hard to do this, often they feel unworthy or are holding themselves back.
9. Face your fears, even about yourself. Facing your fears is very empowering. Be eclectic. Stay open to all possibilities. Practice being non-judgmental, especially about yourself. These tips will keep you open to lots of circumstances you may have never experienced. Still not living with confidence?
10. Trust your own judgment. Being quiet is a good way to reconnect with your inner self. Your spirituality or religion can be a beneficial surrender. What's important is that you trust your own instinct. Learn to listen to your body and follow what you feel is in your own best interest. Live in integrity. You need to feel your body, mind and spirit are all living the same truth. When you are doing this, you will feel a peace and happiness beyond words.